too bad you live with your parents still
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
