That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
