id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
