I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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