some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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