i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
You can't special order awesome
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize