explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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