plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
