Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
