we have officially lost it.
You just made me feel so damn special
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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