There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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