winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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