Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize