Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
