why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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