I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
