oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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