I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
So much rum. So many feels.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize