I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
