I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
