He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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