Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Randomize
