I want to make a zoo with you.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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