Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I just had sex on a roof
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
