sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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