sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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