he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
