At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
His hands were made for my vagina.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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