if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
