It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
