I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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