Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
