Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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