are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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