i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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