Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
