who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
so let's talk penis.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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