So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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