I'd wear matching sweaters with you
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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