A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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