Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
