I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
