I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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