Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
