While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Randomize
