I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Actions speak louder than pants.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
