I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
