Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
