i just wanna soil my oats bro
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
