my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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