tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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