I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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