Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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