why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
