I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
