u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
