does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
