That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
this boner is exhausting
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
