Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
