I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
