My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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