M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
