I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
someone owes me an orgasm
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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