I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
