ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
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