Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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