I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
