he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
