His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
