I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
