I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i already hear my dad disowning me
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
