Old men and throwing up are my life now.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
