I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize