Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
