would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
